There’s a trend on social media where people give you an “unfiltered” tour of their houses, revealing baskets piled with laundry and sinks stacked with dirty dishes. It’s a response to years of Internet “influencers” displaying sparkling clean homes with Pinterest-perfect decor, leaving the rest of us feeling like lazy slobs.

Some people call it “de-influencing.” We watch them and say, “Oh good, it’s not just me!” And we give ourselves permission to relax a little. In the same way, I’d like to pull back the curtain on my life as a field worker and dispel some commonly held myths about missionaries.

Misconception #1: Missionaries Are Fearless

This one came up a lot for me when we first moved overseas. Friends would say, “You’re so brave for moving overseas. I could never do that.”

It’s true there are a handful of things I’m not afraid of that make me more suited than the average person to move abroad: flying, strange food, talking to strangers, large insects. (OK, I lied. I’m terrified of cockroaches.)

But there is a long list of things I am afraid of that challenge my trust in the Lord every day: being detained by the authorities, traumatizing my kids, and having to return home without having experienced “success” are some of them.

Moving to the field does not mean I am fearless. It means I took one big leap of faith followed by many small daily steps of faith.

Misconception #2: Missionaries Are Super Christians

When I picture the ideal missionary woman, I imagine someone who rises before dawn to pray, eagerly commits to multi-day fasts, and organizes all-night prayer sessions.

While I have participated in all those activities at times, my current daily routine looks more like this: attempt to wake up before my kids to read and pray, but get interrupted by my kindergartner who needs help in the bathroom and then needs to tell me a very long story about robots. Participating in any of the other above listed activities requires both personal pep talks and major scheduling gymnastics.

Moral of the story: We all need to give ourselves grace for the season we’re in! Just as my time with friends looked different when my kids were toddlers than it does now, my time with the Lord has looked different in every season of my life.

Misconception #3: Missionaries Are Fluent in the Local Language—and So Are Their Kids

If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “Kids are like sponges. They learn so fast!” I could afford a subscription to Super Duolingo. And it’s true, they do learn quickly—but not as quickly as I expected. Within a year of moving to our new country, my oldest could carry on a basic conversation, but that has more to do with her outgoing personality than anything else. My middle child is an introvert. It took years before he was comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings with locals.

As for us adults, while we were able to engage in basic conversations pretty quickly, reaching “fluency” has been a long, slow journey. After eight years on the field, we still haven’t arrived! In the early days, we learned quickly because we were able to spend a lot of time studying. But as our responsibilities increased, there was less time available for studying. We’ve come to accept that fluency is a lifelong pursuit, and we’re able to focus on it more in some seasons than in others.

Misconception #4: Missionaries Spend Most of Their Time Sharing the Gospel

Coming from a culture that values productivity and time management, this one is the most painful for me to admit. If I were to make a pie chart of all the hours and activities in my typical week, the biggest piece would be dedicated to taking care of my family and my house. This slice is even bigger than it would be if I were in the US because so many tasks take longer than they do back home. Even the hours of my week that are dedicated to “ministry” are carved up with team meetings, training, and administrative tasks.

Don’t get me wrong. These are all good and meaningful things. But it’s taken time for me to perceive them as contributing to our vision rather than taking away from it. I think the most important lesson I’m learning right now is that faithfulness matters just as much—if not more—than fruitfulness. My job is to pursue the Lord’s calling on my life with as much grace and humility as I can manage. Whether or not my faithfulness will lead to fruitfulness is in God’s hands.

Now What?

Now that we’ve busted some myths, how do we move forward? I think one of the most important questions we can ask is: “Who is God calling me to be in this season of my life?” If you are feeling pulled towards the field, but you’re afraid you won’t be able to live up to the picture in your head of the “perfect missionary,” I’m here to tell you that there’s no such person! Move ahead in confidence that God will equip you with all you need to do what he’s calling you to do.

If you are on the field and wondering if anyone else is struggling to juggle all the responsibilities and expectations (real or imagined) of missionary life, I hope you hear 1) You are not alone, and 2) It might be OK to put some of those things down, even if it’s just for a time.

Take a deep breath. Relax a little. My sink is full of dirty dishes, too.

Just watch out for cockroaches.